


The Problem with Invincibility

by harper_m



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-28
Updated: 2012-12-28
Packaged: 2017-11-22 19:00:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/613172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harper_m/pseuds/harper_m
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Curse-breaking AU. Regina muddles through the aftermath of the thwarting of her evil plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Problem with Invincibility

**Author's Note:**

> I never intended to write this pairing, but I couldn't help this odd mash-up of OUaT and 'Soon I Will Be Invincible' x Austin Grossman.

“Your little Storybrooke experiment has left you so dull, dear.”

Regina shrugged. In the past, she might have taken the words as a challenge. She might have relished the opportunity for a fight, and have been locked in a magical tussle with Maleficient designed to humiliate. Instead, when Maleficient sent a volley which left her side table in smoking ruins, Regina barely noticed.

Maleficient sighed and gathered her skirts up around her. “You’re becoming an embarrassment, Regina. It’s been over a month. Where’s your proclamation of vengeance? Where’s your dark army? At the very least, there should be cloud of doom surrounding the place. I just strolled right up, no questions asked.”

Hand fluttering vaguely, Regina murmured, “Don’t rush me. Taking revenge on the world takes planning.”

There was something about Regina’s smeared make-up, messily tousled hair, and sloppily belted black dressing gown that failed to inspire confidence in Maleficient. “I know Storybrooke didn’t turn out like you’d hoped, but you’ve got to get back on that horse, dearie. Start small. I hear Charming and Snow are going to be renewing their vows. Why don’t you drop by and sow a little chaos?”

“I find weddings so tiresome.”

“So liven things up.”

Regina merely yawned. “You’ll have to excuse me. I haven’t been sleeping well since we returned. I’m probably still adjusting to the time difference.”

It was worth one more try, Maleficient reasoned. “Their little brat will be there. Just think of the possibilities – kidnapping, murder, disfigurement, dismemberment, infection with a painful and incurable magical disease. It’d be the perfect way to kick-start your revenge. Frankly, and I’m saying this as your friend, but I really think you need this. The castle is a mess, Regina, and so are you.”

Instead of helping, Maleficient’s suggestion instead seemed to have backfired. Regina had slumped down even further in her throne, shoulders sagging. She’d propped her chin on her hand and was staring out of the far window wistfully.

Maleficient helped herself to a candelabra on her way out. She didn’t think Regina even noticed.

******

If Regina was startled to see Rumpelstiltskin suddenly standing in front of her, it didn’t show.

“Well, well,” he said, hands clasped joyously together in front of him. “What do we have here?”

She blinked at him, as if it took an effort to place him. “Oh,” she said tiredly, “it’s you.”

He circled around behind her, slightly unnerved when she let him. “I’d heard through the grapevine that you were having yourself a bit of a pout, but really, Regina, this is absolutely disgraceful. No security measures whatsoever. Anyone could make their way in. Before you know it, you’re going to have angry mobs at your door. Trust me, I know from experience. It’s distasteful all the way around. They leave the lawn in a shambles.”

Regina seemed unmoved. Instead, she picked idly at the belt of her dressing gown then stifled a yawn. “Why, exactly, are you here?”

“Why do I do anything?” Rumplestiltskin giggled. “I’m here to make a deal. After all the effort I went through in the other land to get you Henry, I thought you might want him back.”

Her sour expression was a weak shadow of the displeasure she’d wielded so proficiently in Storybrooke. “Henry has no interest in living with me. He’s made that quite clear. He prefers his other mother.”

“Ah, that’s right.” Rumplestiltskin’s smile widened. “You and the little princess were playing house before the unfortunate incident. Had a bit of a tiff with our dear Sheriff Swan, did you?”

Regina’s answer was a sullen glare.

“Ironic, that.” He gave her a mock bow. “Breaking your own curse with true love’s kiss. How did love work out for you, Regina?” He looked around the room, at the broken furniture, covered mirrors, and thick layer of dust. The only thing that wasn’t a complete wreck was Regina, but not by much. “Never mind that. I can see for myself. I guess she wasn’t able to get past the lies and betrayals, was she? Was it the fact that you left her orphaned and alone for 28 years that put the final nail in or was it the little crypt full of hearts? Your sins are diverse and impressive. There’s really too much to choose from to narrow it down.”

“Speaking of,” Regina said, though there was no real rancor in her voice, “I’ve been meaning to tell you. I have your little girlfriend in one of the dungeons. She didn’t actually kill herself.” She gave a half shrug. “I’m sure you can understand why I had to tell that particular little white lie.” 

When Rumplestiltskin didn’t move, she waved her hand dismissively. “You should try to find her before you go. I really don’t have the staff available to cater to guests.”

In times past, Regina would have delighted in the way he blanched.

“If you’ve harmed one hair on her head…” he began before sputtering to a stop. She didn’t even appear to be paying attention.

******

“I was expecting more.”

Regina’s head snapped up, eyes wide. Standing in front of her, looking slightly ill-at-ease, was Emma Swan. Beyond shocked, she murmured a strangled, “Excuse me?”

“I mean, it’s pretty evil looking. Very pointy. Very black. I guess I thought there’d be heads mounted on the walls or hallways lined with prisoners in chains. Flying monkeys. Something.”

Self-consciously, Regina straightened her gown. She brought a hand to her hair but quickly abandoned the gesture as meaningless. “You’re confusing fairy tales with parables.”

“It’s hard to keep up with the rules.” Emma had adapted moderately well to the modes of dress preferred in fairy tale land but still looked vaguely uncomfortable in the tight green leggings and doublet. “Everyone was expecting you at the party.”

“Party?”

“Mom and Dad,” the words still fit awkwardly in Emma’s mouth, “renewed their vows. It was pretty much a given that you were going to show and make threats or set the place on fire.”

“Oh.” Regina shrugged. “I wouldn’t want to become too predictable.”

In the very corner of the room was a small, armless chair that had somehow escaped destruction. Emma pulled it up so that she was facing Regina and sat, slumping immediately. “There are a lot of rumors out there, Regina. Some people think you’re up here cooking up a curse even worse than the last one.”

“I’ve just been so busy,” Regina said weakly. “There hasn’t been time. If you let a property like this fall into disrepair, it can be years before you manage to work it back into shape.”

Emma took a not-so-surreptitious look around and nodded. “I can see that.” She sighed and crossed her legs at the ankle. She hadn’t expected to find Regina like this, practically despondent. She'd thought there'd be scheming maybe, or at the very least intense concoction of evil plans. “You know, there are people out there calling for your head.”

“I know. Angry mobs. Stiltskin warned me.”

Regina’s apparent lack of concern for the very real threat to her well-being made Emma shift uncomfortably. “For arguably the most hated woman in the land, you’re not really investing much in personal security.”

“I suppose you could always arrest me, Sheriff. Keep me safe inside prison walls.”

Emma frowned. “I’m not a Sheriff here. I’m not anything here. Fairytale land isn’t exactly an equal opportunity employer.”

“Don’t worry. Taxing peasants provides the same kind of stable income you once enjoyed as a city employee, just in greater quantity.”

“Maybe, but it comes with an unreasonable expectation for heroism and bravery.” Emma rested her chin on her fist. “People are kind of hoping that I’m going to finish you off.”

If she’d been looking for some kind of reaction from Regina, Emma was disappointed.

“Are you not at all concerned that almost everyone wants you dead?”

The quirk of Regina’s lips was very nearly a smile. “It’s not exactly an uncommon occurrence.”

“I guess not.” Emma sighed, stretching forward to nudge Regina’s foot with the toe of her boot. “Henry’s doing well.”

Any semblance of a smile faded. “I’m sure he is,” Regina said tightly. “He’s finally free of me.”

“He misses you.”

Regina’s expression turned sour. “I somehow doubt that.”

Emma stood, self-consciously straightening the sword hanging at her side. It thumped loudly against her boot and she scowled down at it. It was a look so typical of the woman Regina had known as Sheriff Swan that she felt an entirely unwelcome pang of… Was it sadness? Regret?

“Well, it’s true, okay? He misses you.” Emma’s lips flattened into a scowl. “I miss you.”

“Oh? Having trouble finding someone else to lie to and manipulate you, dear?” For the briefest of moments, Regina’s fingers clenched into something approximating a fist. This Regina didn’t have the energy to sustain the anger, though, and Emma watched with despair as the loosely held fists unclenched.

Regina’s hands were made for wielding power, she thought bitterly, not fretting with her dressing gown like a frail, elderly woman.

“Fine,” Emma said shortly. “In the name of… uh, Snow and Charming, I guess, I’m placing you under arrest.”

Regina gave a small shrug.

“I don’t have handcuffs here,” Emma said awkwardly, not sure how she was supposed to move this forward if Regina didn’t seem inclined to move herself. She certainly wasn’t going to jerk her up out of her chair. Throne. No, chair. No, throne. Probably.

A desultory wave of Regina’s hand, and Emma found herself holding a pair of shackles that looked as if they’d been constructed with some serious confinement in mind.

“Are you honestly going to just sit there?”

Regina blinked slowly and looked around. “Should I run? Would that make this seem more official?”

“Damn it, Regina. I’m not arresting you.” Emma frowned down at the heavy shackles. “I am keeping these, though. As soon as I find a headboard with slats, we’ll put them to use.”

It was difficult to sound authoritative when Regina continued to simply stare at her impassively.

“Go pack a bag or something,” Emma said finally. “I’m taking you with me.”

“I’m afraid I simply don’t have time to travel at the moment, charming as the offer may be.”

“It’s not an offer.” Emma barely resisted the urge to stomp her foot. “Henry needs his mother.”

“Then you should hurry back, dear.”

“He needs you,” Emma stressed, “and I need you too.”

“I’m sure it will pass.”

Emma contemplated kicking Regina in the shins. Nothing else seemed capable of garnering a reaction.

“Enough of this,” she said, and, with a show of strength that she probably wouldn’t have been able to manage before she’d spent a month wandering through woodlands, chopping wood, and trying to learn how to use a sword, Emma hoisted Regina up into a fireman’s carry. “I’m taking you back to the castle. Henry’s going to tell you that he still loves you and you’re going tell Henry that you still love him and after you do that, I’m going to take you to bed and we’re going to have sex. I swear to god, Regina, it’s been weeks, and this place may be full of fresh air and wildlife, but one thing it most definitely does not have are electrical outlets or batteries. Seriously. And if people don’t like the fact that I’m boning the Evil Queen, then they’re just going to have to get over it. I didn’t ask to be a princess. I don’t want to be a princess. I just want my family back together again, and like it or not, you’re a major part of it.”

“Are you quite finished?” Regina asked, once Emma’s rant devolved into angry panting.

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“If you could see your way clear to putting me down…”

Emma let Regina slide from her shoulders, but didn’t let go of her wrist. “I’ve had it, Regina. Hate me or love me. I can’t deal with this indifference.”

“I’ve never been indifferent when it comes to you, dear.”

As she watched Emma’s shoulders slump and her eyes fill with angry tears, Regina felt a spark of something deep within that even Emma’s angry rants hadn’t kindled. “I can’t do this by myself,” Emma said, sniffling indelicately. “Henry and I, we need you. You can’t sit here and wait for someone to come along and kill you, Regina. It’s selfish.”

“I have no doubt you would somehow manage to muddle through should that happen.”

“Well, yeah,” Emma said, wiping irritably at her eyes. “We wouldn’t throw ourselves off a cliff or anything, but we’d be sad for, like, a really long time.” She looked up at Regina, her expression painfully honest. “Unless it’s part of some evil plan, maybe you could stop breaking my heart, okay?”

Regina reached forward carefully, swiping at a tear with her thumb. “I suppose I could come for a visit.”

Emma darted forward, and Regina found herself being quite thoroughly kissed. The last time they’d done this, a world had cracked in two and a curse had broken.

This time, she felt her heart flutter to life.

“I didn’t mean for this to get so dramatic,” Emma said once she’d pulled away, chin ducked shyly. “Nothing ever works out the way I planned it when it comes to you.”

Regina smiled softly, and meant it. “I understand the feeling.”


End file.
